When fear strikes
by Katie237
Summary: AU 2x07: When Barry woke up without any feelings in his legs, he was terrified at the thought of never walking again, but when the sensations returned, an ever bigger fear rose; what if becoming the Flash again meant he was going to get another match with the monster who did it. Scared his friends would push him into putting on the suit, Barry decided against telling them the truth
1. Fear

**A/N: Hello everyone! This is just me testing a story that's been hiding in my head since they showed us a sneak peek of Gorilla Warfare. It was the scene with Barry stretching his legs on the wheelchair, staring at the suit, before he returned in a sitting position right before Cisco ran in the lab (after Caitlin punched him in the face). My theory I debate on SpoilerTV at that time was that maybe Barry was so afraid of Zoom he faked not being better so he wouldn't have to face him again.**

 **Obviously I was wrong, but the idea stayed with me...so here I go. Writing my own take on the episode of what could've happened if I was right about that.**

* * *

It's been two days since Barry first opened his eyes after that fight with Zoom. Well, fight was kind of a big word since the word usually involved a couple of people battling each other out. What happened with Zoom was just a one-sided beat down of the century, a total fiasco. Barry never thought it could be possible to be demolished so harshly, physically and mentally, and survive. For the last two days, where he spent most of it silently watching the ceiling, laying on the bed with his now useless body, he surprised himself thinking that maybe he should've died during that fight.

He woke up thankful to be alive, surprised but thankful, that Caitlin was able to save his life. He thought for sure he was going to die when Zoom was dangling him in front of his friends, stabbing him with his clawed-fingers. Waking up again wasn't expected, but Barry sure was grateful for it. That was until he realized there was no feelings under his hips. He tried to punch his legs as hard as he could, pinched them, but he couldn't feel a thing, not a damn thing. Barry Allen might have survived the fight, but The Flash died in it. To be fair, after being humiliated and dragged around like a doll, it was probably for the best that he could never put the uniform again. How was he supposed to get back on the street after that? The city knew he was a useless hero, a fraud.

Barry didn't want to imagine what his life would be like now. He didn't want to be a burden, didn't want to be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Caitlin wasn't ready to give up on hope and on him, she was staying optimistic that it was just a question of time before he was going to heal. Optimist, that's all it was. Barry didn't want to have false hope about it. Not until someone could assure him he was going to get the feelings back in his legs ever again, something Caitlin couldn't do. Everyone was going to treat him differently from now on, he couldn't deal with it. During the past two days, he's been as shut-off as he's ever been, faking to sleep or just staring at the ceiling during the conversations about how they could adapt If he was to stay paralyzed for the rest of his life. Cisco even took out the old Eobard's wheelchair out of storage, hoping that getting his best friend out of bed would make him feel better, but the sight of it only made it worse.

As the day went by, pain started to grow in his back, it was uncomfortable to say the least. Shifting in bed was a tough thing to do when you were paralyzed, but it was also making the feeling worse. For a second, he considered asking Caitlin for help rolling him on his stomach to ease the pressure, but his pride was against it. He couldn't bring to call for help, being all alone in the lab at this moment, just to get himself being moved around like a newborn.

Barry uselessly dug his nails in his legs, trying to concentrate on anything other than the feelings in his back, in the growing pain. There was another sensation appearing he couldn't quite put his finger on. Unless, could it be? Frantically, he pushed his nails deeper and got an answer, the one he was expecting. Pain, pain in his legs.

For the first second, his body froze, his mind slowly catching up with the sensation, catching up with what was happening right now. His breathing and heartbeat paces were picking up. Was that real? Barry's eyes were starting to feel wet. He just wanted to cry out of happiness, he just wanted to let the hope flowing in. Did it meant he was going to heal completely and walk again? Run again?

Barry took a deep breath and wiped the tears in the corner of his eyes before calling out to his friends:

''Guys! Come here, fast!''

Barry just needed to tell them the great news. For the first time since the fight, he was all up for more test and talk about working on a plan to get him back on his feet. He turned his head around, searching for his friends. Last he saw them, Caitlin was walking Joe and Iris out of the cortex, discussing the changes, or lack of, with Barry's health.

''Caitlin! Cisco!''

It suddenly struck him like a runaway train, his mind flashed back to his fight with Zoom, punches hitting him one after another, too fast to be seen, even from him. Pain exploding in his back, blinding pain, agony like he never felt before and like he never wanted to feel again. All the rest of the fight was lost in a blur of pain, being dragged all over the city. The only clear memory of that night after the moment Zoom broke his back was when the monster stabbed him in the stomach.

He couldn't dare to hope walking again for the last two days, and now that the feelings were coming back to his dead limbs, a fear even bigger than never walking again started to grow. The fear of facing that monster again. The fear of being destroyed again, the fear of suffering that much again. He couldn't do it again, he wasn't going to. Never, never again. He couldn't go back at being the Flash and risk ever facing Zoom. How was he going to tell his friends?

He could already imagine the deception in their eyes. He was a hero, hero don't just quit. How was he going to look his friends in the eyes after telling them he decided to stop being a hero and hang the suit? What were the options? Pushing his luck until Zoom cross his path again and die in the most horrible way possible or face the look of everyone he cared about when that black demon was going to destroy everything while Flash would be standing on the side and watching. What was Iris going to write about? Barry could only imagine what her next articles could be like:

''The Flash lives...and he doesn't care''

Or:

''Flash lives and he decided that naaahhh screw it''

Or:

''The Flash survived the fight and he's not the hero everyone hoped''

They wouldn't understand, his friends, family, the citizen of Central City, no one would. Or that's how Barry's stubborn mind kept on telling him. Part of his scientist, analytic, brain was trying to overthink the whole situation. Was all that thinking even rational or it was just his fear of the black speedster talking. Unless it was his guilt trying to rationalize the possibility of keeping the secret. Maybe it was best for everyone if they just didn't know about his progress. Iris, Joe, Caitlin, Cisco…all of them were already thinking ahead of ways to keep living with Barry's new condition. Maybe, just maybe, it would be best to keep the secret. Eobard did it. Hopefully, Caitlin would soon give up on hope and on searching ways to get Barry's feelings back. Someone else was eventually going to step up to Zoom, right? Why would Barry have to be the one stopping Zoom? He had a life to live, the world had no right to decide what he could and couldn't do.

''Barry, Barry!''

''What' wrong buddy?'

His thoughts were interrupted by his friends entering the medical bay. Worriedly looking at him, peering at his tense features, his rapid vitals. Caitlin eyes going back and forth between her patient and all the instruments lying around in the lab, ready to jump into action to help ease any discomfort and distress her friend was feeling right now.

''I …I…''

Barry was stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. Whatever he was going to decide, it needed to be now and there was no going back from it. If the decision was to tell the truth, there was no returning to not feeling a thing. But if he was going to take the other road, that road was as slippery as anything you could imagine. One you start into a lie, you can only bury yourself deeper into it. It was now or never.

''I just….I just had a nightmare and when I woke up alone, I thought Zoom had you too.''

He was hoping his vitals would match his words, his lie. Barry lowered his head, ashamed. He felt like a traitor, part of his mind was feeling sick for lying like that to his friends, his best friends who've been worried sick since the fight. What was he supposed to do?

Caitlin put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, thinking his reaction was all related to his lie.

''Don't worry about it Barry, go back to sleep. We're there, we're fine. Everything will be better tomorrow.''

''Yeah man, don't worry, we're not going anywhere.''

Yeah, tomorrow…tomorrow was going to be another lie. If he could walk, run, speed away, right now, he would. He would run as fast as possible and stay hidden 'til the end of times to avoid facing everyone, to avoid the shame of the lies. Barry simply nodded and sank on the pillow, pretending to go back to sleep.

* * *

 **A/N: I know it's short, but just let me know in the comments if you think the story has potential and I need to continue, since there's already so many versions of this episode out there already.**

 **Just so you know, it was fun writing Barry's twisted POV, letting fear take over his mind.**


	2. Mind Games

**A/N: I decided to give this fiction a second shot. As I was writing, this became a lot more psychological than I first planned and expected it to be, so be warm and ready for some harsh thoughts.**

* * *

When Barry woke up the next day, his first instinct was to check if what happened last night wasn't a dream. After making sure no one else was in the room, he slowly reached for his hips and let his hands slipped to his legs. Yes! He was feeling it. There were tickling all over what used to be his dead-limbs, painful tickling, but it was better than nothing. There were tears forming in his eyes. Barry wiped them quickly when he heard sounds in the cortex.

He looked up to see Caitlin entering the room, looking directly at him.

''Hey! You're awake! No more nightmares?''

He shook his head.

''Don't worry about Zoom, dude.'' Said Cisco, entering the room in Caitlin's footstep. ''Once you're back on your feet, we'll figure a way to kick his ass.''

There it was again, going back against Zoom? No way, he wasn't going to do it, he couldn't. Barry thought about going back on his decision, on telling the truth to his friends, it wasn't fair to lie to them. He really was going to, but now? When he closed his eyes, all he could see was that monster, feeling his punches, feeling his back breaking. He clenched his fists in an effort to distract his mind and keep his heartbeat under control, keeping the rising panic hidden.

''I'm ok…'' was all he said to his friends, monotonically, sinking on the pillow, closing his eyes.''Just wanna sleep now.''

''Sorry Barry, not yet, I need to check you first.'' Said Caitlin.

Barry grumbled for an answer, hearing Cisco chuckle. Even with his eyes closed, Barry swore he could see Caitlin glaring at her tech friend. For the first time since waking up, a smile appeared on the speedster's face at that, but it disappeared just as fast. He didn't want more tests, he just wanted to get as far away from there as he could. And do it quickly, which was ironic considering the situation he was in.

He stayed silent for all of it before pretending to sleep during the whole process, not wanting to engage in any sort of talk with Caitlin over his injuries. He still tended his ears, eavesdropping, at the whispering going around. He heard Joe coming back, disappointment in his voice that Barry was still sleeping, but listening closely to Caitlin's update on his condition. Joe listened closely to the doctor's optimist when she said the boy's spine was starting to heal itself.

''So, he'll be able to get the feelings back in his leg and walk again?'' Cautiously inquired Joe. Barry could still hear the hope in the voice and his heart ached at it.

''Hopefully…'' trailed Caitlin.''At least he's getting the rest his body needs for now.''

To tell the truth, Barry barely slept last night, but he wasn't going to admit it. He had a very hard time falling asleep, in part because of the pain being his constant companion, but mostly because of the choice he made. And, when darkness claimed him, nightmares of Zoom's attack assaulted him, catapulting him back in the real world, shaking, sweating, breathless.

He waited to be alone in the room to test the limit of what he could do with his legs. He started by moving his toes, before trying with his lower legs, succeeding in both cases, even if all the movements left him grinding through his teeth from the pain growing up in his back, leaving him painting for a moment. Happy with the progress, Barry figured the next step would be sitting up. Once he got his breathing under control and the pain was back at a manageable level, he decided to go for a try.

Bad idea.

Barry barely took his back off the pillow for a couple of inches before a blinding pain hit him hard, light flashing in his eyes, almost making him blacked out. Giving up for the day, he simply laid in the bed, grunting, painting, hoping the next day will be better.

On the pain level, the fourth day was indeed better. His back was still killing him, but it was manageable. It wasn't even the worst part of the day, that award belonging to the moment when Joe stopped by during his dinner break and he started discussing his condition with Caitlin. To be fair, he was getting accustomed to the sensation of agony, it was better than the numbness of his mind.

His mental struggle was growing stronger with every passing moment. He just wished Zoom made him deaf instead of paralyzed so he wouldn't have to hear the worry creeping in Caitlin's voice as she was telling everyone that he should be starting to have some sort of feeling back by now. He could tell she was trying to keep her professionalism and keep her walls up, but there was no hiding her real emotions and it was hurting the speedster more than any wounds, maybe even more than what Zoom did to him. His ears were ringing when the doctor told the new test results to Cisco and Barry's family, telling them Barry should be better, but he wasn't. That if the bones were healing, but not the nerves, the damage could be permanent.

Permanent. One word. One word that made Iris and Joe's gasp as soon as it left Caitlin's lips. There was no word more, well, permanent, that this one. Unchangeable. Everlasting. Barry thought that once the team would come to this conclusion, things would get better, everyone would be able to move on and he would be free of his Flash responsibilities. He was a CSI, it wasn't his duty to save the world. Or that's what Barry's messed up brain tried to tell him, whispering the darkest thoughts in the dark.

Barry's terrified mind was becoming more and more the enemy, whispering him the scariest of thoughts, the hardest truths, unless they were lies. Who knew the mind could be such a powerful weapon, hurting the scientist even more each day, telling him worst things than anyone as ever said to him. Every time a hopeful thought would fight his way up to the conscious mind and give a strong enough push to reach the lips, Barry's darkest reflection would come crawling back like the scariest demon in the night.

 _*They'll never forgive you.*_

 _*Your friends always used you to protect themselves*_

 _*You're a coward, a worthless hero*_

 _*They'll give you as dog meat to Zoom to save themselves*_

 _*You're not good enough for them*_

 _*They'll throw you away when they found out you're a coward*_

 _*The city never deserved you*_

It was almost like hearing voices in his head. The speedster would stay awake at night, wondering if he was losing his sanity. All logic would dictate to tell the truth, his friends had been there for him, always will. Right? But what if, just what if his mind was right. He could either tell his friends he was starting to get better and risk their wrath, risk being thrown away like some unwanted leftover for lying and being such a coward or keep on lying and risk being thrown away for being useless to them.

The only way out was running. That was the only logical thought in his irrational mind. Which was ironic considering running was the one thing he couldn't do right now. That was the plan, like a hurt and cornered animal, he needed an opening to make a run for it.

On the 5th day since waking up, once it became clear to the rest of Team Flash the condition might never chance, they decided to go forward with Eobard's chair. Barry didn't even need to fake grunts of pain as his best friend helped him get out of the bed and in the chair. The bright side, if there was any, is that while Barry was putting all his concentration on keeping the pain and his breathing under control, he couldn't see the guilt in his doctor friend's eyes, biting her lips.

''I'm so sorry Barry, I should've found something to make you better. '' She told him earlier that day.

''Hey, don't blame yourself'' he said in a vain effort to comfort her and ease his own guilt at the same time. ''Please Caitlin.'' he added after a moment of silence. ''You need to stop looking for some miracle cure, I'm ok.''

She only bit her lips and shakily nodded as if it was good enough of an answer.

They now both were acting like nothing happened while Barry settled in the chair, painfully shifting in his seat, finding the least uncomfortable position, offering a weak reassuring smile at the people around them that he was going to be fine. On the outside at least. The still logical, hopeful part of his brain, was trying to talk him into opening up, how could anyone help him if they didn't know what was wrong?

But the voice of fear was stronger. They wouldn't understand. How could they? Barry was already picturing them, in the best case scenario, cheering up with empty talk about people having it worse, that thanks to his healing powers he could overcome anything, even a broken back. Somethings can't just go away with a pep talk, with a simple thought of ''get over it.''. There was no getting over the fear eating his guts every time he would close his eyes and see Zoom destroying him in every way possible, humiliating him. All his life he wanted to do more than just being a normal person, being more than just a forensic assistant and now, all he became was a burden, a coward hero.

Tears were burning in the corner of his eyes. No, he couldn't let them come out, heroes don't cry, hero are strong, invincible. Feelings were weak, or that's what some people love to say. Or maybe it was just a sign that he never really was a hero.

* * *

 **A/N: Let me know in the comments if this deserved to all the way 'til the end.**

 **This is one really tricky and hard fic to write, I'll need all the motivation you can give me**


	3. Updated note

**24/12/2016: Little Christmas gitf for everyone and for those of you who didn't see my note for this fic I put in another one of my story.**

 **Just a quick note to confirm you that new chapters and an ending for this story ARE coming in 2017.**

 **I gave up this story in July 2016 because how hard it was to write a story so different from what I usually do, with a lot of Barry's POV and psychological stuff and the lack of support slowly killed my motivation to keep on going.**

 **To be honest, this story stayed in the back of my mind for months and I was never able to fully get it out, not to mention i felt bad for all the people I abandonned.**

 **So, here I go, I'm back for all of you guys who read it. Time to re-read the first 2 chapters if you hadn't yet.**

 **Note 2: I'll also try to work on correct the first 2 chapters before putting a new one up, but don't worry, it's coming.**


	4. Remorse

**A/N: It's back! After months of absence and giving up on that story for a while, I clearly intend to stick to my promise and finish that story. Hopefully it's going to be totally worth it. Leaving you to your reading.**

* * *

On the 6th day of waking up, the pain had subsided a little, making it easier to sit on Eobard's chair and move around, both shifting in the chair and wheeling around in the lab. Despite the initial disgust he had from being forced to stay on the chair of his mother's murderer, the feeling quickly got replaced by some relief of finally being able to move around the cortex on his own, which was a big improvement from only seeing the inside of the medical lab all day for almost a complete week. Well, it wasn't exactly true to say that he was doing it all on his own, still needing some help getting in and out of the bed, but it was definitely progress compare to not even being able to maneuver his body in the bed.

It wasn't without mentioning that even if he truly and deeply cared about his friends and family, their overwhelming presence in the last couple of days had been suffocating. The defeated hero had been in desperate need of some alone time with his thoughts, which wasn't an easy thing to do when people kept on talking to you and interrupting every reflection halfway through it. The whole team probably felt Barry's need to be alone since they all volunteered to go grab food together, except for Cisco. The engineer might have stayed behind, but he was keeping his distance, somewhere else in the lab.

The only thought that kept on coming back was just….run. If it wasn't for his legs, he would already be long gone. In his terrified mind, it seemed like the easier option, easier than facing everyone. With every passing day, the chances he would be able to take that plan into action were increasing at the same rate than the feelings in his legs. However, there was still one problem, one question remaining and keeping him from executing the plan, other than his legs; was there any chance that Zoom was going to forget about him and move on? If there was no Flash anymore, that would make the evil speedster the best out there, without a doubt, right? It was doubtful at best, but Barry knew that in his condition, or even at full health to be honest, there was no outrunning Zoom. If the Black speedster was still after him and if running was useless, there was no way out of this situation, nothing at all. He couldn't stay here forever and say nothing without his consciousness torturing him to death and he couldn't tell the truth about his lies and intention to never be The Flash again without risking to be pushed shut down by everyone for his cowardice. If he couldn't run either...what were his options? A shiver passed through his spine as his terrified mind sent him the most terrible of thoughts yet; what if he cheated death and he needed to finish it, fix this?

No, he couldn't do it. Answering his own mind, Barry furiously shook his head like a madman, victim to an intense mental debate. There was no way he was going to do it, but the single fact that the thought did crossed his mind scared the hell out of him; was he going to lose his sanity if he didn't find any help soon?

 _'Come on Barry, let's see what you can do_ ' He thought, trying to distract his mind from any other disturbing reflection. With everyone out of the lab, might as well give a try, see how strong his muscles were.

Carefully, slowly, the speedster moved his legs off the foot support of the chair, depositing them on the hard floor. His movements were slow and rigid, but it was better than being cut from any feelings under his hips. So far so good. Smiling at his small victory from maneuvering his limbs this far, Barry stopped moving, taking a short, well-deserved, break.

 _'Alright, here goes nothing'_

Pushing against the wheelchair's armrests to elevate himself off the chair, he gradually transferred his weight charge to his legs, not caring about his arms that started to shake and the sweat that started appearing on his forehead from the effort.

 _'So far so good, just a little more._ ' He mentally encouraged himself as his bent knees started to hurt under the pressure. Closing in eyes in concentration, pushing aside the pain and centering all of his mental strength in his legs, he gave one big final push, to release all the pressure off the chair and get up.

Or, at least, that was the initial project. The second he let got of the armrests, his knees betrayed him, yielding under the pressure, sending a wave of agony down his spine. A cry of anguish left his lips as his whole body loudly crashed to the ground. Tightly closing his eyes, the speedster stayed there, lying still, waiting for the pain to subside to a tolerable level.

''Barry? '' Came a worried voice, accompanying by jogging sound.

Seconds later, Cisco's figure entered the cortex, freezing at the scene in front of him, scanning around for anything that would explain why his paralyzed friend was on the ground, shaking in pain, instead of sitting on his wheelchair. Assured there was no threat around, he strode toward Barry, kneeling next to him, hovering his hands over, unsure where to touch without causing him more pain.

''What happened? Are you ok?''

''Fine.'' He grunted, flatly ignoring the first question. ''Help me.''

The situation felt so humiliating, it was beyond frustrating: he used to be a hero, he used to be the Flash, the Man who saved Central City and now he was reduced to the man who couldn't even stand or sit on his own. Suppressing the pain and the groans, he let Cisco awkwardly lift him back on the wheelchair.

''Were you trying to get up? Do you have any feelings in your legs?'' Hopefully asked Cisco, trying to understand the situation and failing at hiding the excitation out of his voice at the prospect of some good news, finally.

''Just let it go.'' Said Barry, cutting him off, turning the chair around, efficiently putting an end to Cisco's enthusiasm.

''Please, Barry, talk to me. I just want to help you.''

''Well, you can't.'' He answered, his stiff back still turned to his friend, only turning around when he heard Cisco's loud footsteps as he was getting away. ''Oh and...don't tell Caitlin, don't tell anyone.''

As the former hero watched Cisco nodding sadly and walk away, dragging his feet, remorse decided to make another run at him: his friends didn't deserve any of this, they didn't deserve to be treated like that. If only there was a way to tell them what was happening. He should've told them the second he got the first sensations back, but now it was too late, he was in too deep in his own lies.

 _'What am I supposed to do?'_

 *****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''That bad?''

Barry woke up on the 7th day to the sound of Iris' worried voice, quietly discussing his condition with Cisco and Caitlin in the cortex. In the silence surrounding the group, it wasn't too hard to actually understand what was being said, especially if they didn't think he was awake and in a position to hear them. Cisco was the next one to make himself heard.

''I wasn't even supposed to tell you about this, he asked me not to say a word, but I feel like you deserved to know it. Not that I blame him, I would probably make the same request if I was in his shoes. '' The engineer sighed loudly before continuing. ''Just wish he would talk to us. Open up. ''

''Haven't seen him this closed since he came to live with us, after that night. Caitlin, there's really nothing we can do?''

''From the scans I took yesterday, it's remarkable but his spine is almost completely healed, in one week. If he was to regain senses in his legs... '' The doctor trailed, fully-aware that there was no need to finish her sentence for everyone else to understand what she meant.

''Any chances his body is just healing his bones first and the sensations will come back after?'' Hopefully asked Iris, desperate to hang on to any hope she could find.

''I don't know. I'm sorry. I should've… '' The scientist tearfully started.

''Hey, it's ok. Come here.'' Replied Cisco, closing in to hold her tight.

Barry felt like he probably should feel angry at Cisco for lying, for telling him he was gonna keep what happened earlier a secret, but he just couldn't. Who was he to judge people for lying? At least, Cisco did it because he was worried about him and needed to share the information in the slim hope it was going to lead to something good, while Barry was only lying for himself, because he was afraid. The former hero's heart was clenching at the sound of Caitlin's sobbing over the guilt of being unable to do a single thing to help him. That was it, he couldn't keep it up, it was tearing him up inside, he needed to tell them all, tonight. Tonight without a doubt. They were his friends, his family, they would listen to him, whatever he was going to decide about his future as The Flash.

To say that the whole day was just nerve-wracking was an understatement, what was he going to say? How was he going to explain the whole situation? Iris' idea wasn't so bad, he could actually use it and pretend the feelings were just starting to come back. Half a lie was better than nothing, right?

The speedster ended up staring at the suit for the longest of time, lost in his thoughts, working on figuring out a way to tell everyone, making the best of his time alone while Joe was back at work with multiple scientists showing up dead and with both Cisco and Caitlin downstairs working in the breach room. What about The Flash? He couldn't come back, nightmares about his last fight with Zoom were still plaguing his mind, Barry knew he could never be the hero of Central City like he used to.

As the former Flash stretched his long legs, crossing one over the other, he suddenly heard fast approaching footsteps. Quickly taking back his initial position and turning around, he ended up face to face with a confused and agitated Cisco.

''Did Caitlin come through here?''

''No.''

''She just hit, in the face, and ran away. '' Exclaimed the scientist.

Wait, what? Why the hell would she do that? It wasn't making any sense. The former hero was about to inquire about it when Joe's voice suddenly boomed from the hallway just before he entered the room running.

''Grodd! Grodd's back! ''

Just when you thought the day, or the week for that matter, couldn't get any worse.

* * *

 **A/N: Leave a comment and let me know if you're glad I decided to continue that story**

 **Just so you know; since I have many stories pending at the moment and might add some if I decide to put down the ideas I have in my head right now, I'll start to prioritize the stories I'll work on considering how enthusiastic you guys are on a story. So, right now, I'll try to finish Kiss of Death and continue What it takes to be a hero first and probably that fic too. With Wounds of the Soul hitting rock bottom with barely one comment for the last chapter, it's the story that might be put aside if I don't have time for. So, enjoy!**


	5. Tell me everything

**A/N: There you go, you ask for that fic revival, hopefully you'll like it :)**

* * *

''You guys don't need me, you can work together. '' Sadly mumbled Barry, turning his wheelchair around to head toward the cortex's exit, sending Joe to start moving in his foster son's direction, tentatively reaching out with his hand.

''Barr, wait.'' The wheelchair stopped, but Barry's back stayed turned on the detective, and the rest of the team. ''Even without your legs, you still have that big brain of yours. You can still help us figure that out. ''

Snorting, the paralyzed speedster wheeled away under the saddened looks, changing his trajectory to close on the medical bay instead and going up the ramp as Joe's loudly sighed behind.

''I'll go at CCPD see if I find something to help us locate Caitlin's position.'' Said the detective, carefully approaching Cisco once he made sure that his foster son still had his back and head turned on him. ''Keep an eye on him.'' He whispered to the young man before walking out.

Keeping an eye on Barry, preferably without getting your head ripped off? In his state? Easier to reason with a starving tiger to not eat your hand. Cisco hadn't brought up the incident of Barry falling off the wheelchair on his face since it happened, fearing it was going to push his best friend ever further away from him, from all of them. Someone needed to get through to him, but who? How? Not having a single clue on what to say at the moment, the engineer decided his time would be better spent working on finding Caitlin. There would be time to check on the speedster after.

''Come on, Harry, let's go in my workplace.''

Both men left seconds later, but not without sending a quick last glance at the paralyzed hero who was deeply lost in his thoughts at the moment; someone needed to go out there and get Caitlin back, but who? Cisco? He might be a tech genius, a Meta and a hero in Barry's mind, but he was no warrior. There's no way he was going to be able to punch and kick his way out of Grodd's lair and rescue Caitlin. Who else? Harry? He hadn't betrayed them, yet, since arriving on this Earth a couple of weeks ago, but he hadn't done much to help either. The police force couldn't fight this giant gorilla either, the responsibility to stop him was in Barry's hands, and he knew that, but how?

How? It was almost too obvious; he needed to keep getting better and be a hero again, for Caitlin's sake. Except, the thought of it had his heart aching, understanding that his secret wasn't going to stay that way for much longer. Once he would be back on his feet and regain his speed, there would be no using it without giving away his progress. Maybe it was fate, after all, Barry did spend the whole day trying to figure out a way to tell the truth, he couldn't get cold feet now. Or, could he? The plan he worked on yesterday in his mind was simply to say that feelings were just, barely, coming back in his lower limbs. Nobody was ever going to believe he went from having small feelings to getting up and running to Caitlin's rescue in a matter of hours. Well, running was still a question mark at the moment. Barry knew his thoughts were getting ahead of himself, he needed to see if he could actually walk and jog a bit before starting to even consider getting in the rescue crew.

Wheeling himself in the treadmill's room and carefully closing the door behind him, Barry stopped his chair near the equipment and took the deepest breath in his life, already feeling his whole body shaking in anticipation of what he was about to attempt. The pain in his back had diminished again and the speedster could feel his legs being stronger and less painful than they were during his last failed attempt at getting up. He knew he could do it.

Slowly repeating the other day's experience, Barry put his feet off the chair and on the ground and pushed against the wheelchair's armrest while simultaneously transferring all of his weight to his legs, feeling all of his muscles contracting under the effort. The pain was there, but his legs stayed strong. Slowly, but surely, the hero found himself letting go of the wheelchair and finally stood on his own power, on his legs. Victory! Everything was aching, but it was well worth it, Barry just wanted to let go of all the repress frustration and scream victory, even if he still had partly bent knees and his back was slightly leaning forward like an old man searching his balance. None of it mattered at the moment, he was up! He was on his feet! It was almost euphoric to be able to do a simple task that most none-disabled people are taking for granted.

With that first step successfully behind, Barry grunted between his teeth as he gathered his strength and pushed through the pain, lifting his right leg and advancing it forward one step, just one. The young man struggled to keep his balance, but managed to not only succeed in that first step, but repeat it with his left leg. Straightening his position, he slowly, painfully, jumped right into the next obstacle of walking on the treadmill. One slow movement at the time. Every second he could feel the growing discomfort in his back. Maybe he was pushing himself too hard for the first time getting this far, but he couldn't afford to stop and rest, not while Caitlin's life was at stake. Every second was counting now and he just needed to see how fast he could go...Alright maybe just a second then as his breathing was already getting heavy and fast under the effort he just provided by getting up and walking a couple of steps.

Leaning forward, the speedster pressed with all his strength on the equipment's control panel, panting, grunting.

 _'Come on, Barry.'_ He encouraged himself as his pressed his forehead on the panel, hoping it would make his suffering a little more endurable. _'Don't think about the pain and it will go away, don't think about the pain.'_

Pushing hard and suppressing a yell of pain, Barry got back at standing tall, closing his eyes for a second to get back his feelings under control.

''Let's do this.''

One step, two steps, three, four…Barry was breathing hard to keep the suffering away, but kept on pushing and pushing. He was doing it, he was walking! Now he needed to run. The next moment, he was stretching his legs for one step. One was all it took for the agony to spread all over his broken spine and sent him crashing ungracefully all over the treadmill, all the way to the floor where he laid there on his stomach, his vision blackening, for…seconds? Minutes? Barry wasn't even sure if he lost consciousness or not, but the next thing he was aware of was the door opening and footsteps.

Oh no…oh no…this couldn't be happening. Barry wasn't in any position or nowhere near mentally ready to handle the verbal beat down that was surely coming. Nor could he handle the humiliation of being found in that situation. All the speedster wanted was to do was disappear, maybe even vibrate through the floor and never be seen again… But, all he could do was just stay as still as he possibly could, eyes shut, pretending to be unconscious so he wouldn't need to deal with everything that was coming. Hopefully he was going to fall into oblivion as the pain in his back was trying to overwhelm him, sending waves of nausea all over. Whoever entered the room wasn't moving, probably just standing in shock, or in anger…both maybe?

The silence got replaced by rapidly approaching footsteps and Cisco's worried voice as the engineer approached his friend's position, kneeling next to him:

''Barry? Barry! Can you hear me? ''

Cisco's hands hovered over his friend's back, unsure what he could touch without causing any pain, finally landing on the shoulders, slightly, but firmly, shaking them. The movement had Barry groaning in pain, but he kept his act.

''Don't move. '' Said the engineer to his _unconscious_ friend before proceeding into talking to himself. ''Alright, I need to call Harry…or Joe. Both. ''

Oh no, Barry just couldn't let Cisco bring anyone else in this mess.

''Don't.'' He mumbled, turning his head on the side, but keeping the rest of his body still.

''Barry!'' Exclaimed Cisco. ''What the hell happened here? Are you ok?''

''Cisco…I'm sorry.'' Was all Barry could think to say as he slowly pushed the palms of his hands on the ground and gathered his legs under him to get into a sitting position, earning an open mouth and wide eyes. A look that quickly turned into anger.

''How long?''

''About a week. Started getting sensations back a week ago.'' As the hero was talking, he dragged himself on the ground, 'til his back was resting against the treadmill, legs spread out in front of him, waiting for the pain to diminish.

''A…week? Wow.'' Cisco snorted and got up, leaving the broken hero on the floor, turning his back on him. For a second there, Barry believed his friend was about to walk out of the door, but he came back to his spot. ''What the hell, man? Seriously! You really didn't think I would care, that any of us would?!''

''Cisco, I-''

''I'm not done!'' Yelled the engineer, efficiently cutting off the Flash.''I thought that we were friends, I thought that you cared about me, about all of us. Are you so selfish that it doesn't do anything to you to see everyone around you being worried sick? Do you have ANY idea how hard Caitlin had been trying to figure out what was wrong? How sleepless her nights were? How they were for all of us? ''

''Man, listen…''

''But hey! I'm sure you slept like a baby and had an awesome time laughing behind our back, didn't you?'' Continued Cisco, not bothering to let Barry talk; the speedster had had more than enough chances to say something in the last couple of days but chose not to say a word. During the whole speech, Barry kept looking at the floor in shame, not that he didn't deserve it.

''Cisco, please, listen.'' he tried, hesitantly, once his friend stopped talking for more than a couple of seconds. Vibe's eyes intensively glared at him, but didn't say a thing, letting Barry continue. ''I am sorry, I _really_ am. I wanted to tell you, it was the first thing I wanted to do, but I just couldn't.''

''Why?'' Said Cisco, dryly, his arms crossed on his chest, clearly not buying what Barry was trying to sell.

There was no point in lying anymore, Cisco deserved the truth, they all did. All of this mess could've been avoided if fear hadn't taken control of Barry's mind, he needed to correct his mistakes. Swallowing his fear and his pride, and ignoring the tears burning his eyes, Barry slowly started speaking:

''Because...I was afraid. I was afraid of how you would react when I started improving. I was afraid of Zoom. I was afraid of fighting him again, of being the Flash again.''

Cisco frowned and uncrossed his arms at the sound of Barry's shaking voice, his anger slightly diminishing. Why would Barry be afraid of his reaction? What other possible reactions were there, other than joy and relief?

''I don't...get it.''

''I can't fight Zoom, I can't do it...he's going to kill me next time. I can't go back out there…ever. '' A silent tear fell on the young man's cheek and Cisco's features softened at the sudden realization.

''You mean...'' Of course, all the time Cisco tried cheering his friend up by saying how fast it would be before going back crime fighting and get his revenge against Zoom...he just made everything worse. ''All the times I said…..You don't want to be the Flash anymore, don't you?''

''Yes….no…I don't know.'' Quietly answered Barry, almost whispering, unable to look his friend in the eyes.

Exhaling and closing his eyes, Cisco slowly walked to the treadmill and let himself slid himself on the ground 'til he was sitting next to the speedster.

''Look, I still have some time before Harry notices I'm not back, so tell me everything.''

* * *

 **A/N: Leave a comment to let me know what you thought about it and if you're happy it's back.**

 **I know it might sound stupid sometimes to just comment that you like it if you don't know what to say, but believe me, it does mean something, it mean a lot to just know that you're there. I gave up on this story after one comment in the last chapter believing nobody was reading it and put my efforts in the other stories. I was pleasantly surprise when you asked for more in the other fics' comments. Ihope this chapter met your expectations.**

 **Just wanna say I'm sorry if there's more typos than usual, my Beta went MIA since a month ago. If you guys want to volunteer to help me with my english, please come forward.**


	6. Progress

**Guest: I'm glad I didn't let you down with the last update :) Hopefully you'll like this chapter too**

* * *

''You can't tell this to anyone.'' Requested Barry as his friend was carefully helping him walk the last steps separating him from the wheelchair and easing him on it. ''Arg! Watch the merchandise.'' Protested Barry as the engineer hustled him on his chair, sending waves of pain in his back.

''You deserved it. ''

True. Since Cisco had been way more understanding that he could've been, Barry didn't had the right to complain much. There was just one thing he wasn't going to let go that easy.

''Cisco, please.'' He reiterated, shifting around in his chair 'til he found the most comfortable position. ''You can't tell the others about it, not yet…I will tell them all when the time is right.'' Added the speedster seeing the look of disapproval he was sent.

''Look, I understand why you were, are, so afraid and I'm sorry I didn't consider how you were feeling before pushing you into getting back in the suit. That being said, I can't back you up on what you did, lying was wrong. You can't keep this up, you need to tell everyone.''

''You're right, I will do it, but can we wait after we free Caitlin?'' He looked up with pleading eyes. Barry had enough humiliation and screaming at him for one day, he didn't want a speech from everyone else today.

Cisco sighed and shook his head, what was he supposed to do? He didn't want to be a partner in crime in an awful lie, Joe or Iris didn't deserved to have that crucial information hidden from them. On the other hand, Cisco didn't want to think about the consequences for Barry if he was to share the secret with everyone right now. The young CSI was already in such a bad place, physically and mentally, the last thing Barry needed at the moment was getting more verbal beat down.

''If, and I'm stressing the if, we do this, there's 2 conditions.''

''Anything!'' Instantly replied Barry. While he wanted to stay hopeful, he never really thought Cisco was going to agree, especially not after the speech he just made.

''First of all, you better promise me that whatever happen, the second Caitlin is free, you will tell the rest of the team. If you have one more excuse in store, I swear I will sell you out without a second thought.''

That seemed fair enough. More than what he actually deserved.

''Alright, and the other?''

''You will let me help training you back into shape.''

''You're serious?'' Barry's eyes opened wide, he wasn't expecting that condition. ''Why?''

''Well, for once, I'm tired of watching you fall on your face and pick you off the floor. And, secondly, I'm also still your friend and I still care. I want to help you get back on your feet.'' Added Cisco with humor as he started to walk toward the door, side by side with Barry who was advancing in his wheelchair.

Actually, it sounded great to have some moral and physical support for the next steps. What was he thinking by trying to go through all of this on his own? Despite all the lies, Cisco was still ready to stand by him and help him. Sometimes Barry was wondering if he really deserved his friends.

''Thought you never asked.'' He jokingly answered, the corners of his mouth twitching, trying to hide his smile.

When Barry stopped his wheelchair at the treadmill room's entrance and turned to Cisco, the engineer lost his smile and became serious again.

''Can you stay out of trouble and rest for a moment there?'' Barry nodded. ''I'll go help Harry locate Caitlin, but as soon as I have a minute, I'll come see you. Alright?''

Barry smiled, nodding again, everything was going to be ok, Cisco was going to help him back on his feet and figure out what to say to everyone. Definitely, he didn't deserved what he had at the Lab.

 *****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''Come on, Barry, you can do better. Faster.'' Said Cisco to the mic, on the other side of the glass, as his best friend was giving his best on the treadmill.

Or, at least, that's what Barry claimed to, as his walking turned into regular jogging and his strides increased.

''I can't….arrgg…can we stop?'' Protested the speedster, using his forearm to wipe away the sweat running down his forehead as he kept on running, feeling his muscles ache under the continued effort.

Since this morning, Barry had made some tremendous progress. Maybe it was because of the long power nap he took, which really was the first real sleep he had in the whole week, since that fight. For the first time, he was able to get all his rest he desperately needed without one single nightmare about the disastrous Zoom beat down.

''Nah, don't try this with me. Faster Barry, you can do it!''

 _'Butcher.'_ Thought Barry as he kept on going.

Grunting under his breath and puffing under the effort, Flash accelerated his movements, the speed meter going up, faster, faster…'til slowly but surely, Barry's legs started becoming a blur and yellow sparks of electricity appeared on his arms and legs.

''Yes! You got it!'' Exclaimed Cisco, throwing his hands in the air in victory. ''Hey hey…what are you doing?'' He asked when his friend quickly lost velocity, returning to jogging and walking before completely stopping the device. In the next moment, Cisco rushed inside the room. ''Are you ok?''

Hands on his knees, Barry's back was bent and he was gasping for air, but when the question finally arrived in his ears with a slight delay, he straightened himself up, gesturing in the air to nothing in particular.

''I'm fine…I just…can't do it right now.''

As much as Cisco wanted his best friend to get stronger right now, he had to admit that the speedster had done more than enough for today.

''Alright, great job.'' Joyfully said Cisco, throwing a towel at his friend to wipe off his sweat. The engineer sure didn't miss the _'Really?'_ look as Barry caught the towel in midair. ''Don't give me that look! You did great.''

Barry snorted as he slowly sat down on the treadmill, grabbing his back on his way down like a granddad. ''Said the guy who was telling me to do more one minute ago.''

''Hey!'' He protested. ''That's what coaches do, they push you beyond your limits. You'll get there, soon enough. '' Barry looked down to the ground, breaking eye contact. ''Come on, give yourself some credit, you just broke your back.''

Definitely not too keen on keeping that subject of discussion, Barry abruptly changed it.

''You should be back with Harry, we need to find Caitlin and Grodd. Now.''

''There's not much I can do while Harry's program is scanning the city. Not to mention-'' Both of the guy's head popped up hearing hurrying footsteps in the next room, approaching quickly. ''Someone's coming, quick, back in the chair.''

Oh no, no way in hell Barry was going to get caught with his pants down again on the same day; he didn't protested at all when Cisco roughly grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to his wheelchair. The speedster barely had time to sit up before the door opened, letting in a suspicious Harry who eyed the two friends, raising his eyebrows. Harry might've a bad attitude, but he wasn't stupid, what was a paralyzed hero and an engineer doing in an exercise room? Something was definitely fishy.

''Am I interrupting something?''

''What do you want, Harry?'' Said Cisco, changing the subject in a not-so-subtle way.

''We have Caitlin and Grodd's location.'' Announced the scientist, leading the way out to show everyone where they needed to go.

Now that they had a location, all they needed was a plan. It was killing Barry that they finally knew where Caitlin was, but that he still wasn't ready to get up, get in the suit and go rescue his friend. Stupid legs, stupid back.

 *****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''Ok you guys got to get out of there.'' Urgently said Barry, leaning toward the mic in the cortex, sitting in his chair and surrounded by both Iris and Joe, hating that everyone else was out there risking their life while he was being useless inside.

Was this how his team was feeling every time he was out there? Were Caitlin and Cisco this anxious every time he found himself in a tight spot and they couldn't run to his rescue? Before this moment, the broken hero never gave all his friend the credit they deserved for carrying all of that pressure and stress.

''Harry's trapped, we can't leave him here. What do we do?''

When was the last time their plan A worked? Barry sighed, thinking fast, looking at Joe for help. What weren't his stupid legs working by now? He needed to get in there right now.

 _'Come on Barry, you're a scientist, think. '_ He needed to stop trying to be someone else, he needed to use his own skills and knowledge to help his friends right now.

''The drugs. The drugs that Grodd stole. Wells... an overdose of those drugs will shock his brain. Okay, just hit him with as much as you can. ''

The silence that followed his sentence was unending, unnerving. What was happening out there? Was the waiting this long or was it just his own mind thinking so fast that the rest of the world was slowing down?

''It's too far, Harry can't grab the syringes.'' Finally screamed Cisco. ''He can't get out.''

For the first time since waking up from the coma and first learning how to use his powers, Barry saw everything around him freezing, while the speedster wasn't even trying to access the SpeedForce. The source of his powers was sparkling under his skin, spreading in every one of his muscles as the fallen hero's eyes started to shine. There was one and only person who could save everyone now and without a second thought, yellow lighting covered the speedster's body. The next second, he sped away from the room and the lab under the shock eyes of his family in the room.

''BARRY!'' Screamed both West in unison.

* * *

 **A/N: There you go, Flash is back, sort-of. Leave a comment, always appreciated**

 **I hope Cisco wasn't too forgiven, needed Barry to get some help, but I didn't want to leave Caitlin captured for days or something and I'm a bit bias, I hate it when Cisco and Barry are fighting, I love their friendship/bromance too much.**

 **Really big weekend coming up, I'll try my best to write more next week, just can't promise a date.**


	7. Back at it

**Emberlynne: Oopsie, I hope this one isn't too bad, but I admit I didn't put as much thought in the pacing in that fic as I did in some other fics :(**

 **Guest: Glad you like it, thanks!**

 **Here you go for the last chapter:**

* * *

What were they supposed to do? Harry was trapped, unable to reach the syringes full of drugs and neither Caitlin nor Cisco could get to him. In fact, in a moment, none of them would have a chance to get out of there. It was a matter of seconds before getting crushed by the giant gorilla.

''Get out, Cait.'' Urgently said Cisco, leading her toward the door. ''We'll be right behind you.''

''What?'' Protested the doctor, pushing the hands off of her and keeping her ground. ''I'm not leaving you behind.''

'There's no time, go!'' He insisted, feeling the adrenaline rushing through his veins and his heart pumping faster than ever. He needed to find a solution, his, Caitlin and Harry's lives were all depending on him.

The next instant, wind and electricity filled the room and went out the next second, disappearing with both Harry and Caitlin. It left Cisco all alone in the room with the telepathic gorilla, his arms now extended toward nothing, toward where Caitlin was standing a moment ago. Immediately after, the yellow lighting was back, grabbing and dragging him out, not stopping until they were outside this tour and inside the S.T.A.R. van outside.

Cisco's little trip at superspeed ended with one really abrupt stop. And, let's be honest, abrupt was a smooth word under these circumstances. The red speedster completely released the grip he had on the engineer as the duo came to a complete and sudden stop, making Cisco ungracefully crash on the outside side of the van, next to his friends. Barely stopping himself, the hero collapsed at Caitlin's foot, unconscious before he even hit the ground.

''Barry!'' She exclaimed in shock, standing over the still body with wide opened eyes.

He wasn't supposed to be walking, he wasn't even supposed to have any feelings in his legs, how could he be running? What the hell was he doing in the suit?

''Snow!'' Screamed Harry. ''Focus!'' He said, kneeling on the pavement, turning the speedster on his back.

First thing he instantly noticed was that the young man breathing fast, way too fast.

''He's hyperventilating.'' He stated.

''What the hell is going on?'' Asked again the doctor, crouching on the other side of the speedster.

With all the attention focused on the fallen hero, nobody noticed Cisco slowly getting back on his shaking legs and approaching the group. Of all the three person still conscious, he was the only one who didn't have a stunned expression on his face, something that wasn't missed on his friend.

''You knew about this?'' She accusingly said in disbelief, popping her head up as she still had her fingers strongly pressed against the speedster' neck. ''And you didn't tell me about this?''

Not at all how he and Barry intended the news to be delivered…but the cat was now out of the bag.

''Cait, I'm sorry, but can we just take care of him for now?''

''You're going to have some explaining to do.'' She seriously said before turning back her attention to her too-still patient.

It was going to be a long night.

 *****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

If she didn't know any better, Caitlin would've swore she saw her patient moving slightly and that the young man's vitals fluctuated…but she did know better.

''Do you know how many time I've seen you sleep in this room, Barry? You really think I don't know when you're really unconscious and when you're just faking to be sleeping? ''

The corners of the speedster's mouth twitched in an almost imperceptible way; buster. But, clearly, he wasn't in a very chatty mood at the moment.

If it wasn't going to be a discussion, it was going to be a monologue.

''Come on, Barry. I'm not going to scream at you. I promise.'' Softly added the doctor. ''Cisco told me everything. I'm not mad at you.''

The shameful eyes finally opened, full of uncertainty, definitely expecting another verbal beat down.

''You won't?''

 _'I probably would've if you were awake one hour ago.'_ Thought Caitlin, deciding it was probably wiser to keep that part to herself.

''Come on, give me some credit. And some space too.'' Gently said Caitlin, smiling and gesturing at the side of the bed, near Barry's legs. After some shifting around, Barry was able to give her enough space for Caitlin to sit.

''You should be mad. I betrayed your trust, everyone's trust.''

''Yeah, you did, you never should've lied to us. '' She said calmly. Ok, so not the start Barry was expecting. ''After everything we've been together, you should've known we would support you, we would've found a solution, together. That's what we do. ''

Barry frowned in confusion. ''Don't take this the wrong way, but you're really bad at making people feel better. Are you sure you're not about to try and bite my head off? '' He said in a faint attempt to lighten the mood.

Caitlin snorted, smiling. ''Look, I'm not mad. I am disappointed, but I'm not angry. You're not the only one who's at fault here; I should've given just as much attention to your psychological wounds as I did to your physical wounds. ''

Barry stiffened at the psychological wounds, he wasn't weak and he wasn't damaged. ''I'm fine.''

''Yeah, sure you are. '' She said, clearly not buying it. ''I'll believe it if you do.'' Looking up straight in the hero's eyes, her theory was confirmed when he swiftly avoided eye contact. ''You shouldn't be ashamed of being vulnerable, being afraid is normal. Don't you think that we're also afraid of Zoom? ''

''Of course you are afraid of what he could do, especially since you have no one to fight him anymore and- '' Protested Barry, unsure where she was heading with that.

''I wasn't talking about what he could do to us, I'm afraid of what he could do to you, we all are. '' Sincerely said Caitlin.

That wasn't making any sense, or at least not to Barry.

''I don't get it, you and Cisco, and everyone else kept on pushing me to get back in the suit.''

''Because that's why friends do, they push each other. We thought that's what you really wanted. We thought you wanted to get back in the game, because that's who you've always been; doing what's right no matter the cause. ''

True.

''But, Barry, do you really think that we don't worry about you? We witnessed most of your match against Zoom on the security camera and we were powerless to do anything. After Zoom ran away, we kept you alive and while you were unconscious, we stayed by your side wondering if you were going to make it…Do you really think we want to live this ever again? ''

It was with a slightly opened mouth that the CSI listened to everything. She had a point; it was true that he never thought about anyone else but his own fear in all of that. All he could think of was what Zoom could do to him, but he should've thought how all of this also affected everyone around.

''I don't know what to say.'' He guiltily admitted.

''To be honest, I can't say that I blame you…I think fear really took a grip on all of us.'' Also admitted Caitlin. ''We all tried to push aside our feelings and stay strong for you, but in the process, we forgot to consider how you were feeling too.''

Fear. Fear was one hell of an emotion when it was striking. Coming out of nowhere, hitting people and knocking them down like a runaway train and taking a hold on all their thoughts and actions.

''We need to put all of this behind us now. '' She said, earning a nod of approval. ''Look. if you don't want to go fight Zoom again, nobody here is going to force you. ''

 _'Thanks.'_ Gratefully mouthed Barry before talking out loud again: ''What now?''

''Now, if you want, we can take care of Grodd first and after, we'll just take care of the rest, one step at the time. '' She proposed, pausing for a second 'til she saw Barry's lips parting apart, getting ready for an answer, prompting her to hurriedly add. ''That's if you want to, of course, if you want to take care of Grodd.''

Could he takes the telepathic gorilla out? Was he ready for that? Days ago, all he wanted to do was just run, run as far away as possible from everything and everyone he ever knew, run and hide forever so he wouldn't be the Flash ever again. What now? Now that he knew his friends were behind him, the future seemed a little less scary. His decision would be so much easier if Zoom wasn't included in that future…

The truth is, now that Barry knew he wasn't alone anymore, his mind was clearer that it had been in the last week. No matter what, chances were that Zoom was probably going to come back for him, eventually. Was the best plan really to go hide, alone, in some dark and retreated corner of the world? Or, get ready and keep his friends close? Let's be honest, no matter how terrified the world really was right now, Barry still cared about helping people, he still really wanted to save as many as possible. Might as well go back on the horse and start riding again, starting with Grodd and see where things would go from there.

''I will help. I want to. '' He finally said, determination in his eyes.

The Flash was coming back to fight another day and that day was today. One day at the time, one day at the time. He had no idea what was in store in the future, but as long as he had his friends by his side, it couldn't be that bad, right?

 **THE END**

* * *

 **How was it? Leave one last comment.**

 **I hope the ending wasn't too rushed. To be honest, since I almost gave up that fic so many times, almost deleted it once, I was a bit too excited to finish. Thanks for each and everyone of your comments that kept me going 'til the end. I still can't believe I made it.**

 **And, in other news; you can now come and say Hello to my writer Twitter account. Search for Katie237 or Flash_Katie237 :) Don't be shy!**


End file.
